Hall of Shame Volume 2: Video Fail

It’s time. After several months, I bring you the second installment of

CourtCouldMakeThat: Hall of Shame

Oddly enough, this is also my second video post.

This is not really a craft, but it is something I made…and it is quite a failure.  I once made a video with my brother on his Mac and iMovie made it seem so cool and easy. “I can do that,” I thought.  Then I got a new camera, and it takes videos! Videos, I tell you! I hastened to film the closest living being, who happened to be…my cat. Yes, I made a cat video. Just like thousands of other internet users.  Let me break it down for you.

Anatomy of a Good Cat Video:

-          The cat is cute and also visible

-          The cat is doing something interesting or hilarious

-          The video is appropriately short

-          The music/other audio is appropriate to the adorable cat situation at hand

I have scored my own cat video with a 0.5 out of a possible 4 points. Yes, POINT FIVE, because while my cat is cute, she is invisible for most of the video, being covered with a sheet (of her own volition).  She is not doing something interesting, or hilarious, unless moving around under a sheet is funny, which I guess at the time, I thought was funny. It’s not. The video is way too long, I’m bored just talking about it, and for a truly inexplicable reason I chose “I Know What I Know” by Paul Simon as the music.

Also, I do not have a Mac. I have a PC…with Windows Movie Maker? I think that is what I used.  It was hard to use, and I don’t even know how that “The End” got on there. Whatever.

So basically, my cinematic experience was a failure, and I share it with you because...well..I don’t know.  Catharsis? 

I'm just doing my part to add one more cat video to the internet. What are you doing?

Metaphysical Crafting: Infinity Scarves

This is a long post, but by the end we will have made THIS:

I said "put your arm there, on the bridge". Class A photographer. available for weddings. jk.

I remember the first time I really considered the concept of infinity.  It was in middle school math class. The teacher was talking about the coordinate plane:

The CARTESIAN coordinate plane.

Each axis, she said, technically extends forever and ever, way off the paper.  There is even a third axis, y, which makes the whole thing 3-D and heads straight towards your face.

Cut to me, trying to imagine 3-D rhombuses and whatnot (rhombi?) all semester.

I sat there in class and starting thinking about those lines, and how they went on and on forever in every direction, and I was just seeing a little tiny part on my paper.  In my head, the lines were red like lasers, and the other space was dark, and the lines just ran by faster and faster as I looked at them. It was like Tron (I’ve never seen Tron). Correction: It was how I imagine Tron based solely on the fact it is a movie called Tron starring Jeff Bridges. It was sort of mind boggling to realize I couldn’t possibly imagine it. Infinity, I mean, not Jeff Bridges.  I’ve got a fairly…active…imagination, and I couldn’t imagine the end of those lines, because they didn’t end. (So, maybe in a sense I could imagine them, because there were no ends to imagine?)

Anyway, all that is neither here nor there, because this post is about a scarf, which is a very concrete, tangible thing.  You’ve heard of infinity scarves, I suppose? I guess they are called that because they are made like a circle, they have no end, so you just wrap it up around your neck a few times and hope it doesn’t get caught on something and choke you (depressing, yes, but please always consider scarf safety, my friends).  If I had been taxed with the task of this taxonomy, I would have called it a circle scarf, because I think Infinity is a bit too grand of a concept to associate with mere scarves. (PS- the first phrase of this sentence is my best alliterative work ever)

A while back I bought this cool knit fabric (gray, with trees and flowers) that I intended to use to make a b-day pres (that’s the hip slang for birthday present, of course) for my friend.  However, summer internships and a 4-week long separation from my sewing machine (we’re back together now, everything’s fine) resulted in a less homemade, but equally well-meant gift.

I was cleaning out my craft closet last weekend, which is really just the lower-left quadrant of my regular closet, and Jessica was sitting on my sofa watching Northanger Abbey because I like people to talk to me while I’m doing stuff like that.  I pulled out the aforementioned fabric and she said something like “Oh wow, I love that fabric, what is that for?” to which I replied, “Um, well, I got it for your birthday present…but then I gave you that fish mug instead (in my defense, it is a really righteous fish mug)…but I’m still going to make you something out of it (because she can wear something with this pattern, and I don’t think I can. It’s hard to explain, but it is similar to why I cannot wear graphic tees).”

The fabric

I decided to make her an infinity scarf, right then, right there. No more tarrying. This is my first infinity scarf.  I’m not sure if this is the established, evidence-based method prescribed by the American Association of Infinity Scarf Makers, but it worked pretty well for me, and gave my mind a little conceptual exercise.

First I cut this piece of fabric (of unknown length, perhaps 1.5 yards) in half longwise. Then I sewed the two lengths together, right sides together.  Next, I folded the now very long piece in half, right sides together, and sewed the edge, making a very long inside-out sleeve.  I turned the whole thing right-side out and matched up the two end seams right sides together, and sewed them until I couldn’t any more because the rest of the fabric was all bunched up inside it, at which point I right-side outed the whole thing again and stitched up that last little hole just like you would when you make a pillow. In this way, you only get the right side of the fabric showing.  I will perfect this method and provide you with a more coherent, perhaps illustrated, version of these instructions later.

The whole process took maybe half an hour, including the time it took me to rip out a seam and do it again because I sewed a right side to a wrong side once. Scarves are probably going to be my craft jam for a while, because I saw an adorable Nine West ruffle scarf at a consignment shop the other day (I was going to buy it, but my inner American Colonist was going “Mmm-hmm. NINE dollars? For a scarf somebody already WORE? Get thyself over to the General Store and make thine own scarf that is NEW.”  Apparently my inner American Colonist is also an English Separatist).

Well goodness. If you made it to the end of this post, I’ll probably have to buy you some frozen yogurt sometime, because that kind of time commitment shows some real dedication. If you are an internet stranger, though, it will probably have to be imaginary fro yo, because I’ve seen Dateline and Law and Order. You don’t just go meeting internet strangers all willy-nilly in frozen yogurt shops.

ABC, it's easy as 1,2,3!

Jessica, searching for her lost tomorrows. Whatever that means.

 Special thanks to JT, who kindly allows her likeness to be posted on my blog.

Court's Favorites of the Week!

Favorite Thing of the Week:
My new kindle.  It's so great.  I've already got 56 classics on there. FOR FREE. because that's how it works!  I've actually purchased one book with cash-money (or rather, credit card (my Costa Rican Friends would say "tarjeta de credito") since it is ever-so-conveniently linked to my amazon account) which was BOSSYPANTS by Tina Fey.  It was hilarious, although the language, at times, was a bit rough to my delicate ears. Or eyes, as it were.  The only possible downside to my kindle is that you cannot read it while taking a bubble bath, for fear it will fall into the warm soapy water and be ruined forever.  So....I'm keeping a few paperbacks around.  Actually, I plan to still purchase physical books....but just the really special ones. Or 50 cent ones from the Thrift Store. (I found Ragtime a few weeks ago, imagine that) The kindle is also good for reading free-Inspirational-Romance-Novels-Set-In-Pioneer-Times, which is A) A good thing to take your mind off more serious matters, B) A bit dangerous to my expectations of men ("What do you mean you don't know how to lasso a cow? Lucas in Sixteen Brides could do that with a broken leg")  and C) Hilarious and honestly, satisfying. (because you just KNOW how it's going to end.  Double, possibly triple wedding. DONE) Who created this genre? Is this genre sanctioned by any particular religious body?  Just curious.

Favorite Song(s) of the Week:

Pumped Up Kicks- Foster The People (I've heard this song may be about  some kid going crazy, but I'm going to choose to appreciate the music for now)

I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You- Black Kids-

Favorite Adorable Thing of the Week:
Okay, I talk about ruffles and stuff too much, but Disney is too cute, and this story book she made for her daughter makes me either want to A) Be 5 years old again or B) Have a family immediately.
Both seem unlikely, so I'll content myself with sharing her adorable work with you:
http://www.rufflesandstuff.com/2011/08/mommy-and-paige-story-for-my-punkin.html

Favorite Thing of this Week that is Happening Next Week: OKGO is doing the Muppets Theme song.  I'm on board with that!

Adventures in Pottery

Hoping to expand my crafting horizons and pass a Friday night in an enjoyable fashion I recently took a trial pottery class (“on the wheel”, I think they call it) with my friend Olivia. It was, I must tell you, quite harder than I expected, but very pleasant.  The very kind and patient teachers instructed us in the proper methods, then set us free to do as we wished.  I made one bowl and felt quite proud of myself.  Aiming for both great quantity and quality to come out of my 20 dollar fee and 2 hour time limit, I quickly began my next piece. I thought to myself “This time I will make a taller bowl.” Despite my best efforts, I had produced a bowl of remarkable similarity to my first piece. In fact, if I had been trying to make a matching bowl, I do not think I could have done better.  The instructor came to assist me in removing the twin bowl from my wheel, and said “All right, you’ve got bowls down, Now this time make a cup.”  

“Yes!” I thought to myself.  I will make a cup! This will be very different. No chance of  a repeat performance here.” I bit my lower lip in concentration and centered my clay on the wheel, mentally repeating the 5 steps I’d been taught so as not to forget the proper methods. I centered, I made the little hole with my thumb, I pulled it out, I collared it, I pinched and pulled it up, all while my wheel spun along happily.  I tried, and tried, and tried.  “Up!” I thought. “You must get taller! You are a cup, Sir!” I silently ordered my clay. The base too wide, the sides too long; this was no cup.  

Yes, I had made another bowl, although it was ever so slightly taller than its older siblings.

Time was up, and I sat down at the table to decorate my pieces.  Being unskilled in this particular art, I bear myself no ill will for my slip color choices, although, were I to do this again, I’d leave off the white.  We left our treasured pieces with the instructor, who promised us a call when they were ready.

A week or so later we set out to collect our self-made treasures, unsure what we might find.  We were each presented with a big paper bag, our pieces carefully wrapped inside.  We coolly accepted our parcels and walked out of the studio, our pace quickening as we headed to the car. 

“I can’t wait to see it!” I admitted “Let’s look at it before we start driving” I said.

“Um, OF COURSE” Olivia returned.

We sat there, baking in the warm summer oven my car turns into during August as we carefully removed our bounty from its elegant protection of Banner-Herald castoffs.

Olivia, you see, had actually succeeded in making 3 things which could be distinguished from one another; a bowl, a taller, more narrow bowl, and a rather charming little vase which she accomplished by abandoning the proscribed methods and following her own little potter’s heart.  I wish I had pictures to show you, her things were very cool looking.

Now, I do not intend to imply I was in anyway dissatisfied with my own efforts.  I admit I was quite enthralled with following the methods I was taught, and even in that short 2 hours imagined myself becoming some sort of master potter respected far and wide.  My three little bowls came out well for a first attempt, and I shall let you see them for yourself presently.

The moral of this story, I suppose, is three-pronged, like a grounded electrical plug:

1. It is fun to try something new, especially with a good friend.
2. Pottery is not particularly easy, and in fact requires a fair amount of upper body strength, a steady hand, and a good measure of patience.
3. It may take longer than 2 hours to master this craft.

I really enjoyed it, and should my schedule ever allow it, will probably take the beginner’s class.